The Past
by Hopefullgeenie
Summary: A look In to Jac's past Please Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

**This story is just what I imagine Jac's past to be like it is slightly weird I have to admit but here goes.**

Thursday 20th April 1978

The cry's from the side room were getting louder and louder the tiny new born had been crying for a good 2 minutes usually somebody would be by the mothers side to help her in a matter of seconds but everybody had been directly told to stay away from there by the 18 year old mum, Paula Burrows, so everybody had agreed to let the mother be for a while with the crying child so that she might actually realises that she does need help. A nurse had decided that the baby had been crying for too long now and was beginning to disrupt the rest of the ward so she put her head round the door to check that everything was ok. The first thing the nurse saw when she walked through the door was a tiny red headed baby but no mother, Paula had done a runner, after realising that she all too clearly saw that the child was in pain and her little heart rate had slowed right down. "Page the on call cardiothoracic consultant now"

It was Elliot Hope's first day as an F today was to be the first day of the rest of his life and it was going to be brilliant. He knew it was going to take lots of time and hard work to get to be where he wants to be but he was willing to do it he was willing to put in the time and effort and if that means shadowing a consultant for the day then so be it. His first patient ever was going to be this little red headed baby that had been abandoned by its mother.

The nurse decided that they couldn't keep calling the baby, the baby or baby Burrows or our special patient and as nobody was sure whether Paula would come back she decided to call the baby Jacqueline she wasn't too sure but the name seemed to suit her and it would make do for if and when Paula decided to reappear. But the nurse knew that even if Paula did make another appearance little Jacqueline's life would be as bad or worse than if she didn't come back for her daughter. Finally the consultant arrived with an F1 in tow.

The moment I saw that little girl my heart broke to be only a matter of hours old and already fighting for her life all alone in a big and scary world where everybody needs somebody. Elliot put his stethoscope to the child's chest he immediately heard a murmur and asks his superior if he could run a chest x-ray and echocardiogram as a matter of emergency. When he got the test results back Elliot immediately saw what the problem was. Jacqueline had a congenital heart defect called coaction of the aorta that was putting a major strain on her heart. This little girl was going to need emergency surgery to fix the problem he informed his consultant of the discovery and as a reward he was allowed to observe the operation because he wasn't nearly qualified to perform on an adult patient let alone a child whose heart is considerably smaller.

The operation went smoothly without any complications and watching it made Elliot even more determined that he would be the best doctor possible. Jacqueline was in recovery and as with all the commotion nobody had informed social services about their situation Elliot had volunteered to do so but before he could do so an 18 year old girl jumped out in front of him. "Excuse me I'm looking for my daughter she was born earlier this morning has red tuffs of hair and the names Burrows" "oh, your Jacqueline's mother" "I'm sorry whose mother" "Jacqueline, Jacqueline Burrows" "ah, yes my little Jacky", Elliot was wondering if this woman could care any less, "well Ms Burrows your daughter has just come out of theatre, she had a congenital heart defect that was putting a strain on her heart, so she had to go through serious heart surgery but she's stable and should make a full recovery" "ok brilliant so when can I take her home" "in a week or so but she will need regular check-ups to make sure the patch is holding" "ok well I will see you in a week then". And with that Elliot watched Paula Burrows abandon her daughter again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thursday 27__th __April 1987_

It had been a week since Paula Burrows had walked out on her daughter for the second time in her short life. As they had predicted Jacqueline was able to be discharged today, Elliot had gone to see the little girl every day before and after his shifts and during his breaks, he knew he was getting emotionally involved but he couldn't help it, this little girl or Jac as he had grown to call her was all alone and even if her mother did return Jac would still be alone maybe not physically but it was obvious that Paula didn't have any feelings for her daughter at all and was never going to show this precious bundle any love at all. As if on cue Paula walked through the double doors of paediatrics. "I'm here to take my Jacky home, I was told that she would be ready to go today" Elliot couldn't believe this woman her week old daughter had major heart surgery, she wasn't her for her daughter through any of it and then she saunters back on to the ward as if she's picking up a kid from a school camp. "Hello again Ms Burrows, your daughter is ready to go you just need sign some discharge forms and bring her in in 3 months' time for a check-up " "yeah, ok, will do, sure thing, now if you don't mind I want to get out of here as quickly as possible" this woman couldn't be less interested in her child thought Elliot before replying "yep, sure thing just sign here and here and then you are free to go, see you in three months Ms Burrows" He watched as Paula collected her daughter out of her crib and carried Jac off of the ward "good bye Jac, Good luck until I see you again" Elliot whispered, he hadn't meant to but Jac was going to need a great deal of luck to get anywhere in life _with Paula as her mother_

_Friday 20__th__ April 1979_

It was Jac's first birthday and she was back in for a check-up surprisingly Paula had brought her to all of the other check-ups, each time with a new boyfriend though mind you, Elliot suspected that Paula brought Jac in only because she didn't want social services messing up her life and taking away her child support money, which funded her alcohol and drug habit. Normally Jac was a bit malnourished so she got kept in all day but this time Elliot spotted some bruises that Paula had no explanation for on Jac's arms and legs, so he once again decided to keep Jac in for the day so that he could run some tests on her to rule out any medical problems that may be causing the bruises but Elliot already had his suspicions. "Right Ms Burrows once again I would like to keep your daughter in but this time as well as being malnourished we would like to run some blood tests to see if we can figure out why your daughter has bruises on her arms and legs" "ok I will be back in later like usual then to pick her up" "yeah sure because everybody wants to be alone in hospital on their birthday" Elliot couldn't help it it just slipped out but what shocked him most was Paula's reaction "I'm sorry but I think you've got your dates mixed up its not Jacky's birthday, I should know it was the worst day of my life" and with that she stormed out of the room to meet her boyfriend in reception. Elliot was about to leave not quite believing what had just happened or that anybody could be as heartless as Paula Burrows however he heard a word just one word that tug at his heart strings and snapped them in half "Dada" Jac had saved her first word for him and she saw him as a dad and he wasn't going to let her down. With that it was sorted he was going to keep bringing her in every three months, even though it only needed to be every six months now, because to be completely honest he didn't look at Jac like a patient he saw her as a daughter and he wanted the best possible outcome for her. But with no concrete evidence that there were problems at home Jac couldn't be taken away from Paula and so the only way to keep an eye on her to make sure that Jac was still healthy and to give her fatherly advice and support when the time came was to keep this appointments going. Elliot was also concerned because the only reason that Jac was in alright health now was because the problem didn't have enough time to determinate to far before Paula had to watch her back because the next appointment was coming up and Paula didn't want social services informed but in six months Jac's health could seriously determinate if Paula wasn't fussed about her. So the only logical thing to do was to carry on the way things are seeing Jac every three months.

_Later that day_

"Right Ms Burrows there appears to be nothing wrong wring with your daughter just make sure you keep feeding and hydrating her and your daughter will be as right as rain. Once again I would like to see her in three months just to keep an eye on things." "Fine if it keeps the social off my back, I could do without the extra stress, come on then Jacky home time."


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter will be the only one for today because I'm still halve way through the next one and I've been struggling to get the words right, I do try to write 2 chapters a day and also in this chapter I have used the idea of Jac being scared of storms because I think it's a really good one so you know the drill read and review.**

_Friday 20__th__ April 1984_

It was Jac's sixth birthday and her mother had forgotten as per usual. There were no presents to unwrap early in the morning, there was no special birthday breakfast, there was no cake and there was no party. Jac didn't mind to much about not getting a party because she wasn't really friends with anybody in her class, she kept he self to herself, but she got upset that there wasn't anything special for her on her birthday because today was a day that she was meant to feel happy, wanted and loved without a care in the world but instead she would have to go to school and pretend like she got exactly what she wanted, just like she had to do at Christmas, and she had to pretend like when she got home there would be this delicious chocolate cake waiting for her just so that she would fit in and for once in her life feel normal. It was only interval and already Jac couldn't take it anymore she just wanted to get away from all the questions that she answered with lies, Jac wanted to be with the only person she could be truly honest with and not be picked on or told her feelings didn't matter, she wanted to be with Elliot Hope. So that's what she did she quietly slipped out of the school gates and headed to the bus stop, the buses were easy to navigate because she took one to the hospital every three months so it was just a matter of sit and wait until the bus came to take her away.

Elliot's day had been a long one and he was only had a few more hours left on his shift but it felt like an eternity as he sat in his office waiting for time to pass. He had recently been promoted to consultant and he hadn't quite got used to the work load yet but he was getting there. The only downside was that he wouldn't be able to see his first ever patient Jac today which he really wanted to do because he had something special to give to her but that could wait until her check up on Monday, it just felt like he was letting her down because he knew her mother would forget all about it so he really wanted to make her day special, but there was nothing he could do about it now he will just have to live with that feeling of guilt in his heart until he saw Jac next. Elliot's thoughts were interrupted when his pager went off alerting him to an emergency on the ward and with a sigh he left his office.

Jac had arrived at the hospital no problem now all that was left to do was to get the lift to the sixth floor and make her way to Elliot's office which proved to be a simple task because she knew Darwin like the back of her hand. When Jac arrived at the office she wasn't surprised to see that it was empty, because she had seen Elliot attempting to stabilise a patient in bay 5, so she just crawled underneath Elliot's desk and tears started to make the way down her face.

Elliot had lost his patient and this day just seemed to be getting longer and longer at least he only had half an hour left of his shift and then he could go home and have a nice long sleep. Elliot walked into his seemingly empty office and was about to sit down at his desk when he heard a sob come from underneath it and to his utter surprise he saw a red headed birthday girl who looked as if she had been crying for quite a while.

"Hey birthday girl, why are you crying?" "you remembered" "of course I remembered your birthday, how could I forget my favourite patients birthday" "well mum forgot and it was meant to be one of the happiest days of her life and if she couldn't be bothered remembering then why should you" "because unlike your mum I can see how special you are you're smart, brave, and the most amazingly brilliant people I have ever met and that is why I got you this" and with that Elliot pulled a brightly wrapped present from his desk draw and handed it to the little girl.

"You got me a present" Jac squealed excitedly "yes and I think you should open it and then we should go down stairs to get some food" "yes please, thank you Elliot." And with that Jac gave Elliot a small hug before excitedly opening her present. "It's a book, It's the adventures of Paddington Bear, Oh thank you Elliot" Jac exclaimed before hugging him once again "can we get some food now please I'm hungry" "Of course Jac but first I will have to call your school and your mother just to let them know your safe" "fine but Mum won't care as long as I'm back in time before my social worker comes to visit" "Ok well I will call her just in case and then we can get some food.". After quickly making the phone calls Elliot and Jac were on their way downstairs "Now birthday girl what are you going to get" "can I have a plain toasted bagel, 2 chocolate muffins, 2 oranges, a hot chocolate and a bottle of apple juice please" "oh dear Jac if you eat all of that you will burst" "I was only going to have the bagel, a muffin and the hot chocolate. I was going to put the rest in my book bag so that I can take it home and eat it when I get hungry" "well in that case I will get you a sandwich as well, what do you say to that?" "Thank you Elliot this is the best birthday ever." "Right well sit here and I will go and get everything"

After quite a few strange looks Elliot managed to get back to Jac with an armful of food. Whilst Jac was tucking into her bagel Elliot was beginning to put the food into Jac's book bag. "Elliot when you said I was brave before, did you mean it" "yes" "But I'm not brave I cried when my mum left me in a tent in a thunder storm" "not as much as I would of done" "I still don't like storms" "I wouldn't either, look next time there's a thunder storm remember that you're not in a tent and nothing bad will happen, ok" "ok Elliot" "come on time to get you home" "do we have to?" "yes, come on otherwise I'll get in trouble" "fine lets go then" Jac said with a crestfallen face that shattered Elliot's heart into a thousand more pieces. "Look I'm seeing you again on Monday for your check-up, so all you have to do is hang on through the weekend and then perhaps we can read about some of the things Paddington Bear got up too and we might be able to find you some more food whilst we are at it, yeah" "ok" "right let's find my car so that we can drive you home"

The car journey was short and quiet; it looked to Elliot as if Jac was preparing herself for something terrible to happen. "right we are here" "thank you Elliot, see you on Monday" and without another word Jac hopped out of the car and slowly trudged to the front door and let herself in. There was something about the way Jac walked that made it look as if the weight of the world was upon her shoulders, there was something about the way that Jac talked that made her seem wise beyond her years but really underneath all of that Jac was just a scared little girl that needs to be shown love. Elliot couldn't help thinking that the sooner Jac was taken away from her mother the better.


	4. Chapter 4

**In this chapter Jac is 11 just in case any of you were wondering.**

_November 1988_

It was dark and there was storm brewing outside. As per usual Jac's mother was completely out of it, if it was due to alcohol consumption or drug use nobody knew but the one thing that everybody knew was that the only time Paula would be clean was if a social worker was coming to check-up on her. So that just left Jac and her mums long term boyfriend, Matt, to sort themselves out "Right Jacky as your mum clearly isn't up to having some fun why don't you and I go to your room some of our own". Jac just ran away in response, she knew there wasn't much point he always found her and it always ended in the same way, sure enough before she knew it Jac was on her bed Matt was on top of her and there was a searing pain in between her legs.

All of sudden Jac woke with a jolt, the pain between her legs reminding her of the all too familiar events of last night, It had started last year when her mum had gone up north for the weekend and Jac alone with Matt, Jac could still remember that night perfectly there had been a thunder storm that night as well. Jac snapped back to reality when she heard her mum yell "come on Jacky don't want to late for Dr Hopeless now do we" So Jac quickly got read, but a book into her bag and made her way to the front door. Jac spent the bus ride being told how useless and what a nuisance she was and how everything that was wrong with the world was her fault because she had been born and that if she hadn't been born then everything would have been better in the world. Although Jac was used to being told such things each time she heard them in stabbed her heart even deeper. Those words may have just been pin prick to her mother but a pin prick in the right place can kill someone.

Elliot had a bounce in his step today because today was the day he got to see Jac again for one of her 'check-ups' he had already bought food for her to take home It had become a tradition of theirs, whenever he saw Jac he gave her a bag full of food to eat when she goes home, before he knew it Elliot saw an all too familiar red head walking to his office with her mum.

"Hello, Mr Hope, here is Jacky I'll be back at five to pick her up" and with that Paula just walked off. Elliot and Jac were used to it by now because it's what she always did. "Elliot, can you fix anything?" Asked a very sheepish Jac "Most things, Why? What's wrong Jac?" "it hurts" "what hurts Jac, come on tell me I won't be angry and if you tell me I might be able to help fix it" "It hurts when, when I pee, Elliot I want it to stop, please make it stop" Jac sobbed "well I can't make it stop but I know somebody who can, so let's get you on to a bed and we will some tests to find out what's wrong with you so that we can fix it." "ok Elliot just as long as you make the pain go away" "Don't worry Jac everything will be alright ok, but I need to treat some other patients now but I will be back to see you as soon as I can and once we get the test results back we can stop the pain" "ok" and with that Jac pulled out her book out her bag and started reading about female emancipation from the Masculine hegemony.

Elliot could not believe what he had just been told "are you sure these results are right" he asked the GS consultant "yes I couldn't believe it either, I've already ordered repeats and they came back the same, poor girl" "right, well thank you, I will take it from here then , I think the news is best coming from a familiar face" Elliot stood and watched as his fellow consultant made his way back to his respected ward, he was fixed to the spot trying to prepare himself for the discussion he was going to have with Jac, but he couldn't over the past years he had had to sort out some of the messes that Paula's boyfriends had caused Jac. But that was a couple of bruises and some broken bones nothing this big nobody deserves to be hurt in this way least of all Jac, But he could no longer put of the inevitable. So Elliot took a deep breath in, put on a brave face and made his way to Jac's bed. "Jac I've got your results here but first I think we should have a talk" "What about?" "Matt " "What about him?" Jac asked defensively. This only made Elliot worry more because Jac only used her defensive technique on him unless it was something that was really bothering her. "I was wondering if he hurts you." "If you are asking me if he hits me, sadly not this time Elliot" "ok, let be rephrase the question, Jac does Matt Rape you?" It was all Jac could do to nod before she completely broke down in Elliot's arms "hey it's alright Jac, everything will be alright, ok I can help you, you just need to tell me, ok, Now are you ready for your results?" "no, but that's not going to change them so come on tell me the bad news" "ok well the results tell us that you have a STI called chlamydia which can be treated with antibiotics but I will have to tell your social worker about it" "no please don't Mum will kill me if you tell them" "I'm sorry Jac but I have to, just remember none of this is your fault, now your Mum is going to be here to take you home shortly, your social worker will see you tomorrow, so I will go and get your medication ready"

Sure enough at five Paula Burrows walked on to Darwin. "ah Ms Burrows can I have a word in my office please" "If I must, now let me guess you want to keep Jacky in overnight, sure thing go on" "No actually your daughter is free to go but she has chlamydia which we believe she contracted from your boyfriend so we recommend you get tested for it as well and here's Jac's medication, I also have to inform you that social services have been made aware of your situation and are trusting you to keep Matt away from Jac until they can clear this whole thing up tomorrow" "what so because my daughter is a lying little so and So, it means that you call the social on me and Matt gets accused of being a child sex predator" "No. It's because your daughter has raised concerns about the way she is living, that social services have been called. I have given you her medication so now I will go and get her for you and then you are free to leave"

"I take she's here then Elliot" "yes, I'm sorry Jac as much as we love seeing you here it's time to go but we will see you in another three months, Remember what I said about your medication and I've put something extra special in your bag" "let me guess as well as all the usual food you also put in a doughnut." "am I that predictable" "only to someone who has known you their entire life , Thank you Elliot, I'll see you in three months" "Goodbye Jac, remember be brave and be strong."

The journey home had been short and quiet. Jac knew that something wasn't right if it was her Mum would be telling her that everything in this world was Jac's fault, but when Paula went quiet it usually meant that Jac was in for a beating.

Jac was right as soon as the front door was closed Paula was off "you lying little so and so, why did you tell Dr _hopeless_ that Matt sexually abuses you, now Matt's going to go to prison and you're going to be taken of off me so I won't get any child support money. Listen to me Jacky, you will do exactly as what I say, tomorrow when the social worker comes over you are going to say that you lied because you thought you would get in trouble and in fact you got Chlamydia by having sex with a boy in the year above you." "No" "excuse me, what did you just say to me young lady" "I said no, Mum I'm not going to lie" so Paula decided to use her hands to get the message across, making sure that the bruises couldn't be seen "listen to me young lady" _whack_ "you will do" _whack "_as you" _whack_ "are told" _whack_ "got it" "yes mum" "good now go to your room, I don't want to see or hear you until tomorrow and because I will be going without booze or drugs, don't expect any food either."

_The next day_

"Right Ms Burrows Your daughter says she was lying about being raped but in my experience normal eleven year old girls don't lie about being raped" "yes well in my experience normal eleven year old girls don't get Chlamydia, she was obviously scared of me finding out because I've now lost all trust in her." "so are you telling me your daughter lied to protect her relationship with you" "yes, didn't you ever lie to your mum" "right fine it seems everything is pretty straight forward here, someone will come and see how you are getting on in a month's time" Paula couldn't believe her luck this social worker must be dumb because she was so easy to fool most of the others would of taken longer to fool. It must of been Paula's lucky day.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Sorry I haven't updated in a while I have not been feeling to well and i have had exams to revise for but hopefully I will update shortly with a new chapter. Anyway you know the drill read and review. Enjoy.**

_19th April_

"Come on Paula it will be fun, a new start, a new life without a certain pest called Jacky" "Matt I want to go to India with you but Jacky's my only source of income" "We will make it work we've got the money in my bank account and that should keep us going for a few years." "Fine we will pack tonight and leave tomorrow"

_20th April_

It was Jac's 12th birthday and she was preparing herself for all the usual dilemmas that she usually faced on her birthday, until she saw her mother and Matt putting suitcases in the car so she raced downstairs immediately . "Mum are we going on holiday?, oh thank you, thank you, I thought you had forgotten like usual, this is going to be the best birthday ever" "ok Jacky now go and pack a bag ok" "yes mum" and with that Jac ran back in to the house with a rare smile in her face. "that girl is so needy the sooner we are rid of her the better, and what's this about it being her birthday, its not her birthday, don't you think I would remember the worst day of my life!" Just then Jac came running out of the front door "I've packed and am ready to go" "Jacky get in the car and stop annoying your mother" "fine Matt", Jac then got in to the car followed by Paula getting into the passenger seat and Matt getting into the drivers seat. As they started to drive of a flash of white followed by a large sound like a piano falling down some stairs filled the sky as far as the eye could see. And rain started to pore down as if somebody had opened the gates to a dam. Just after Matt had turned on to the M1, 5 minutes into the journey Jac couldn't contain her excitement any longer. "So where are we going? What are we going to do? Are we going to grandad? It's been ages since I last saw him, Has he given us the money for this holiday for my birthday? He is the best grandad ever!" "Right that's it Matt stop the car" "but Paula we on in the middle of the M1" "I don't care just stop" so Matt pulled over in to the hard shoulder as soon as he could "happy now" "yes, now Jacky get out of the car I think you and I need to have a little talk." "but mum its raining outside" "I don't care if its raining or not, you will do as I say got it" Jac just silently slid out of the car. Paula followed suit but instead of walking over to Jac she went round to the boot of the car and got out Jac's bag. "look Jacky, we are not going to your grandfathers he is dead and he didn't love you because he left nothing for you in his will, but why would he when you are a needy, selfish, arrogant, rude, obnoxious little girl that nobody loves, and nobody ever will, as fir our holiday you are not coming with us Matt and I are going to India and we are not coming back, why would anybody ever want to come back to you" and with that Paula just dropped Jac's bag to the ground and got into the car and Matt drove off. Jac just store there getting pounded with rain as she watched them drive into the distance until she could no longer see them. What was it with thunderstorms and bad things happening to Jac.


	6. Chapter 6

Jac had been in care for about 4 months and none of her foster placements had lasted more than 2 days. But that didn't bother Jac too much because she had a plan and today was the day to put that plan into action. Today was the day that she got to see Elliot again, even though now there was nothing wrong with her heart, Jac enjoyed talking to Elliot, she felt oddly relaxed around him. She could tell him anything from what she felt to what she had done, she could be completely honest and he wouldn't pass judgement he would sit and listen and then give her advice on what to do and how to choose the right choice, and even if she picked the wrong way to go about something he would just use it as an excuse to learn a lesson. Jac felt so content when she talked to Elliot and she knew why it was because when she was around him she felt loved and wanted and today she was going to make sure that she could feel that feeling every day, today was the day that she was going to make Elliot Hope her dad.

" Hello Elliot" "Hello Jac, whose this you've brought along with you this time" "this is Jane my new social worker. Jane there is a coffee shop downstairs, I'll be a little while, why don't you go and get yourself a coffee or something I'm sure a nurse could show you where to go". Elliot and Jac waited until Jane was out of sight before they moved from the busy ward into Elliot's office. Jac started the conversation rather sheepishly "Elliot" "yes Jac" "you know how you've always looked after me?" Elliot was not to sure where this was going and was starting to get suspicious "yes" "well its like how a father looks out for his daughter and none of my foster placements have worked out, because nobody seems to get me, but you do, and I was wondering, well I was wondering if you could be my dad" Jac finished rather rushed and Elliot felt his heart drop "oh Jac, you know that I look at you and think of you as my daughter and that I want what is best for you, but the truth is, as hard as it for us to both accept, I won't be able to give you what you bed let alone what you deserve but there is a loving couple out there somewhere just waiting for you" "No Elliot there is nobody for me except you and even you don't want me, tell me Elliot what is so fundamentally wrong with me that means that nobody wants me?" "Jac there's nothing wrong with you it's just you've been through so much you deserve more than I can offer" "but all I want is you to be my dad and to be happy that's all I want, please Elliot foster me" "im sorry Jac but it's not just a matter of you and me I have a wife as well" "but I thought Gina liked me" "she does Jac and we were actually thinking about fostering you until yesterday" "why, what happened yesterday?" "well Gina found out that she's pregnant and we decided that now would not be the best time to foster you" "what so now you've got your own child there is no need for me anymore, is that it?" "no Jac it's just bad timing that's all, ok, maybe in a few years time, if you still need us once we have sorted out our lives" "but Elliot I need you now" "I'm sorry Jac it'd not possible" "please just try, for me" "Jac, I'm sorry but I can't foster you, how about we make these meetings more regular so then we can still have a good talk" "you mean monthly, that might work for now" "ok so what do you say to having a doughnut and then we can breaking the good news to Jane" "ok, but you really need a healthier snack" "right ok doughnuts where did I put you?"


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a year since Jac and Elliot had arranged to meet every month. They had kept all the appointments but nothing had got better in fact it had got worse, Jac was being bullied and Elliot was watching as her walls and defences went up and there was nothing he could do to stop them.  
It was a dark and stormy night and the care home had a power cut. Instead of telling scary stories like normal children they all decides to pick on Jac. "they say redheads only have on friend but that's not true in your case is it Jacky" "yeah you don't have any friends do you Jacky" "even your own mum didn't want to know you did she Jacky" it was a this point Jac lost it "don't you ever call me Jacky" she yelled and then charged at the girl.

"Jacqueline Burrows stop what you are doing right now" "but she started it" "ok so if she started it, who was the first person to use physical violence?" "I was, but she deserved it" "oh really, well to me it seems as if you started it so I suggest you go up to the attic to cool off you can come back down later once you have calmed down, got it" "fine" Jac turned on the spot and slammed the door so hard it shook the whole house and continued to stomp up the stairs.

It wasn't fair how come she always got told off and a black mark on her record, when what the others were doing was 10 times as bad. How come nobody ever listened to her side of the story. What had she ever done to deserve this?  
The storm was calming down and so was Jac, she had decided that it was time to go back down however one of the other kids must have locked the door because she could not open it. "help me, somebody has locked me in, help me, help me please, I can't get out" Jac was shouting at the top of her voice and pounding on the door as hard as she could but it was no use the storm had picked up again so nobody could hear her cries for help.

It wasn't until breakfast the next day they noticed that Jac wasn't there and the care worker realised that Jac didn't cone down from the attic.  
When they unlocked the door they found Jac cuddled up in a ball in a corner with tears rolling down her cheeks. The psychiatrist said that was in a state if shock and would properly be permanently scarred. Jac didn't really listen to what was everybody was saying she only knew one thing, that she could not carry on.


	8. Chapter 8

**Jac's** **around 14 in this chapter**.

Nothing had changed since Jac got locked in the attic, she was still getting bullied and getting told off when she did something about it. And each time Jac's feeling of not being able to go on grew stronger. Jac knew she wanted a quick easy pain-free way out, so every night once everybody was asleep Jac would creep downstairs to the medication box and pull out a couple of packets. But every time she managed to stop herself from taking them by reminding herself that if she took them they would win, so Jac would end up putting the pills back and she would creep silently back upstairs to her room, pull out a small bag and start to pack her belongings however by the time she packed her bag she had talked herself out of running away by convincing her self that if she stayed if she won then victory would be all the more sweeter because they would be there to witness it, so instead Jac would just climb into bed, curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep. But not tonight, tonight she was too weak, tonight was the night that they won. Jac crept downstairs and did her usual routine of grabbing a couple of boxes and a glass of water. She then crept back upstairs to her room, she then popped a handful of pills out of their packets and swallowed them and then continued to take more pills. Jac knew that the pills would take the desired effect in a short amount of time so she took one last look at her room before she closed her eyes.

The care worker was sure she had heard a noise, so she was giving the house a once over. As she came to Jac's room she noticed the light was on it was unusual for a child to have their light on so she went to check that everything was alright. From the doorway it just looked as if Jac was asleep but once she stepped inside the care worker saw the boxes on Jac's bed, she knew instantly what was going on.

Jac's eyes flickered open, she looked around and automatically recognised where she was. She looked around again and saw Elliot coming towards her. "are you my doctor? I thought you didn't deal with things like this" "you're not my patient but I managed to get you transferred up here so we can talk. Jac why did you do it? Why didn't you just talk to me?" "because you wouldn't have been able to stop them Elliot and nobody would miss me, you have James, mum has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me and nobody else wants me, so what have I got to live for" "everything Jac, you've got everything to live for. Just because I have James now doesn't mean that I don't care any less, and Jac I'm always here for you if you want to talk appointment or no appointment, you are so special Jac anybody who knows you is lucky because when you leave school you will be successful, I can tell." "how can you tell Elliot, I'm just a care kid, do you know how successful care kids are Elliot, not very, so tell me how do you know I'm going to be successful?" "because you are determined, strong, brave, caring and straight talking every thing a successful person should be. And before you start saying that you're not determined, strong, brave, caring or straight talking you are, you are Jac and you want to know why, it's because you've been scared, you know how it feels to give up and be the under dog, you've been rejected and lied to so you don't want to feel that way again and you don't want anybody else to feel that way either. That is why you are special Jac don't let all that go to waste" "Elliot" "yes" "thank you and I promise I won't do anything like this again" "its alright Jac, you've just got to remember some people still do care for you" "I will" "right well Jane should be here shortly, I will be back to talk to you as soon as I can but right now I'm due in theatre, ok?" "ok bye Elliot"

_A few hours later_

Jac had been left alone mostly whilst Elliot was in theatre, she would occasionally catch a couple of the nurses glancing at her but a quick glare in their direction would make them get back to their work, Jac was only approached when some poor nurse had to do her obs, the rest of the time Jac was left to her own devices. To anybody at a first glance it would have appeared Jac was just staring at a wall but anybody who looked closely enough would have seen that Jac was having a mental argument with her self.

Elliot walked back on to the ward and was walking towards Jac's bed when he got intercepted by somebody "hello Mr Hope, I'm here for Jacqueline" "ah, hello Jane, Jac's just over there and should be ready to go in about an hour or two we just need the hospital psychiatrist to assess her state of mind fully" "of course, I'll just go and grab a coffee and wait in the relatives room then" "ok, I will come and get you when they are done" Elliot approached Jac "hello Jac, Jane is here to take you home but first you need to talk to one of our psychiatrists" "fine" "they should be here a moment now." they both looked up when there was a cough from behind Elliot "hi I'm Amy Mash and I take it your Jacqueline" "I'm going to leave you two to it, call me if you need anything." "so Jacqueline" Amy started but was interrupted "It's Jac, call me Jac." "ok Jac, I'm not going to beat around the bush, Why did you take those pills" "I was weak and looking for a way out, but now I've realised that people will miss me when I'm gone and I don't like making people upset, so from now on I will be strong and hold my head up high, can you go now please?" "if that's what you want, but not talking about it to someone won't help" and just like that Jac was alone again whilst Amy talked to Jane and Elliot "right well she seems upfront enough about her feelings for us to discharge her but it would be in Jac's best interests if she sees somebody regularly" "ok well I will leave you two lovely ladies to talk about that whilst I sort the forms out and tell Jac the good news". Jac watched Elliot closely as he walked over to her bed "Hello Elliot I take it you're getting rid of me" "yeah, you're going home after I've sorted out your forms so you just need to get changed and then you can go, so I will leave you to it, don't forget to say goodbye"

"Right Jacqueline, are you ready to go" "yes Jane but can I say goodbye to Elliot first" "fine you have two minutes" Jac walked as fast as she could to Elliot's office "I take it your leaving then" "yeah just coming to say goodbye" "well I guess this is goodbye until next time, just remember you are loved Jac" "I will do, thank you Elliot, Goodbye until next time"


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry it's been so long since I have updated but I have had complete writers block on this chapter but I need to write it to be able to continue the story line to get to the other chapters that were a lot easier to write I just have to type them all up because we have had some big winds that got up to 251 kilometres per hour which obviously caused some power cuts in my area the only reason you are getting this is because my school is a 30 minute drive plus a 40 minute walk away from my house and is on slightly lower ground so it still has power and wifi that they give us the password to so I can use my laptop during classes, specifically maths (which is what I am in now) because I am in the top class and I have finished our extra work and then I finished the extra extra work that my teacher found me and now he has no work for me for the next couple of weeks, oh the joys of being smart. Anyway I'm rambling, sorry this chapter is so bad read and review. Happy reading.**

Jac had kept her word to Elliot and hadn't tried to take her life again but her social worker was still making her talk to a psychiatrist and today was the first day she was going to meet him "right Jac when you go and see Tom I would like you to be nice, polite and open to him please." Jane told Jac "aren't you coming with me?" "no apparently it's better and easier to talk about your feelings when I am not there." "oh, ok. Let's get this over with then."

Tom had looked at Jac's file and she was perfect. She was vulnerable and had a history he could use to his advantage. He would have to take it slowly of course, he wouldn't want her to go running off and telling someone straight after their first meeting. A few strokes here and there would suffice at first then maybe a few wandering hand and then he could get down to business. Tom was getting excited just thinking about it. This girl was special, he could feel it, this was the one.

* * *

_A few months later_

The rain was slashing against the windows and lightning lit the whole sky which was shortly followed by a deafening roll of thunder. Lightning storms have unnerved Jac even more than usual ever since she had been shut in the attic but today she had this strange sinking feeling in her gut as if something bad was going to happen, and it wasn't only the storm she could blame that on. Today Jac was the day Jac was meant to be seeing Tom again, she had seen him a few times since their first meeting however each time he was just a bit too over familiar. He would only stroke her at first but he had now begun to put his hands in places where Matt used to put his hands. Jac thought she knew where this was going, but she seriously hoped that she was wrong because she wasn't sure how she would keep her promise to Elliot if she got sexually abused again.

The thunder and lightning was perfect just what Tom needed. It would make Jac even more vulnerable then she already was and he could fob the rope and gag off as some sort of therapy method of getting rid of fears.

Jac walked into the office and as per usual sat in the seat furthest away from Tom but that didn't stop him from moving closer to her. "I hear you have a fear of storms" "What's it to you?" Jac asked defensively "well I am trialling this new therapy to cure fears, where you tie them up and expose them to their fears and it cures them" "So you want to use me as a guinea pig for this new therapy. You want to tie me up and send me out in the storm. What on earth makes you think I will agree to that" As a response Tom lent forward a stroked Jac's cheek "it's worth a try isn't it? Wouldn't you like to enjoy storms rather than be scared of them?" Jac felt very awkward and the feeling in her gut had gotten larger and she knew that if she didn't agree to being tied up then Tom would continue to touch her until she gave in "fine tie me up then" "good girl I knew you would give it a try. Now where did I put the rope?" Tom got the rope off of his desk and then proceeded to tie Jac's wrist and then gagging her. But once Jac had been tied up much to her surprise she wasn't taking outside instead her jeans and underwear got pulled down and she was being pushed down into a lying position on the sofa. It had been a while since she had been a position like this but Jac knew unfortunately it wouldn't be the last.

* * *

Jac had continued to see Tom even though she really didn't want to, she just couldn't bring herself to tell anybody because if she did then Elliot would find out and he would feel bad because if he had fostered her then none of this would be happening. But none of this was Elliot's fault and she couldn't have him feeling bad so instead she will keep her head held high and carry on with life. However after each visit it was always harder to see the light Jac knew that if she didn't tell somebody soon then she will properly break her promise to Elliot and that was something she did not want to do. Jac knew she had to tell someone and soon.

* * *

Jac was sat down in the care workers office in her care home along with the head care worker.

"so Jacky are you telling me that your nice psychiatrist Tom sexually abuses you?" Jac just nodded in response she was still in shook about telling someone. "well the thing is, Jacky, we have asked him what happens during your meetings and he say that you just talk and occasionally try different coping mechanisms and therapies." Jac couldn't actually believe were they really believing him "It's a lie why don't you ask him out right if he sexually abuses me" "we have and he said the worst he has done is tie you up with your consent to help you get over your fear of thunder storms" "and I still don't lie them. What does that say to you?" "Jacky please don't interrupt me. Tom also said that you kicked off after the first strike of lightning and acted differently afterwards. He thinks that you regret not telling anyone the truth about your mother's boyfriend until it was too late and now you are making stories up to make up for your lost opportunity. Is that true Jacky?" How dare they how dare they use her past against her that was the old her scared of that might happen if she reported what was happening. But this is the Jac who isn't scared of what may happen she hasn't done anything wrong. Why can't they see that? "No, That's not what is happening" " If I was you I would think very carefully about who you accuse of doing what. Because Tom is a very nice man and wouldn't have a very nice time in prison. If this is all about getting a new psychiatrist then you shouldn't of gone to all this trouble you were always going to get a new one in three weeks because Tom is leaving." Jac was getting more and more frustrated "You are not listening to me! What he does is wrong and he should be locked away and the key thrown away." "We are listening, Jacky, we just don't believe you. I have talked to the other children that see him and none of them will allow a word to be said against him" "It's just me, so what?" "when people in Tom's position sexually abuse children they tend to sexually abuse a handful or more children not just one, so that makes us suspect that you are not telling the truth" "oh so what do you want me to say, do you want me tell you that I made this all up just for the fun of it because I am a sick lonely child who nobody loves and just wants to know what is so fundamentally wrong with her that makes people not want her." "If that's how it is" "I have told you how it is and you don't believe me" Jac said in frustration they were just going round and round in circles. "ok Jacky, imagine this, we take your word for it. We report Tom to the police. Tom goes to court and sentenced to however long it is. Then what, then what happens Jacky?" "I get a new psychiatrist and Tom pays for what he has done" "So this is all to get a new psychiatrist?" "fine, ok, you win I can't carry on fighting anymore we are going round and round in circles and you are never going to believe me are you. So I made I made it all up. I repeat I made up this whole story of Tom sexually abusing me. Happy now?" "No, not really. This is going to have to go in your file and when the new psychiatrist comes I want you to talk to her about why you have done this and you will also go without TV for two weeks because you know the house rules about lying" Jac got up and was half way through the door before she said "I don't care I'm already in hell, It can't get any worse can it!" and slammed the door.


End file.
